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Craig Porter 4th Jul 2009 - 12:06

Sledging in the summer? Bring on the Ashes

Some of the greatest cricketing sledges of all time are often accredited to the Australians.

As we welcome the old enemy to our shores this summer, what sort of abuse can the England team expect during the Ashes series.

To give us an idea lets take a look at some of the best that have been heard over the years and if you know of any more then leave us a comment and we'll publish them here.

Rod Marsh v Ian Botham

When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"

Daryll Cullinan v Shane Warne

As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating,"  Cullinan retorted.

Glenn McGrath v Eddo Brandes

McGrath was bowling to portly Zimbabwean  chicken farmer Eddo Brandes: "Hey Eddo, why are you so f**king fat?" Eddo  Brandes: "Because everytime I f**k your mother, she throws me a biscuit."

Robin Smith v Merv Hughes

During 1989 Lord's Test Hughes said to Smith after he played &  missed: "You can't f**king bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."

Merv Hughes v Javed Miandad

During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

Merv Hughes v Viv Richards

During a test match in  the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare  at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k  off."

Viv Richards v Greg Thomas

Sir Viv can give it too. During a county championship match playing for Somerset the Glamorgan paceman Greg Thomas had beaten the bat a couple of times and informed Richards: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering." The very next ball was given the King Viv treament and smashed out of the ground, into a river - at which point Richards piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it."

Ian Healy v Arjuna Ranatunga

Ian Healy's legendary comment was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney: "You don't get a runner for being an overweight,  unfit, fat c**t!!!"

The Aussie keeper certainly had a problem with the Sri Lankan's weight as on another occasion. Shane Warne was trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease asked his colleague what it might take to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Ian Healy piped  up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."

James Ormond v Mark Waugh

James Ormond had just come out to bat on an Ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh with "F**k me, look who it is.  Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England." The reply came, "Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family."

Glenn McGrath v Ramnaresh Sarwan

McGrath: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath didn't seem to get the joke as he replied: "If you ever f**king mention my wife again, I'll f**king rip your f**king throat out."

Mark Waugh v Adam Parore

Mark Waugh standing at second slip. The Parore comes to the crease, plays & misses the first ball. Waugh: "Oh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t then, you're f**king useless now". Parore: "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t and now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt."

Ravi Shastri v An Aussie 12th man

Shastri hits it to the substitute fielder and looks for a single but is warned, "If you leave the crease I'll break your f**king head." Shastri: "If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f**king 12th man."

Malcolm Marshall v David Boon

Boon had played and missed a couple of times.  Marshall : "Now David, are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"

Fred Trueman v Raman Subba Row

And finally, this is less of a sledge (trying to put an opposing player off his game) than an outright insult from the late, great Fred Trueman to his own team-mate!

The batsman edges Trueman's bowling to first slip and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and  apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred".

"So should your mother!" he replied.


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